Warning: naked people and extreme awkwardness ahead!

This summer I visited Croatia with my sister and college roommate. It was a great time, and even though it was the end of August, it was the first time it really felt like summer. (Thanks, cold and rainy Holland!)

Anyway, we traveled to Dubrovnik and decided to get away from the tourists and island hop (yay bucket list!). One of the places we went to was Lokrum Island, and we had an interesting experience on Lokrum’s nudist beach.

The girls and wanted to see as much as we could of Lokrum Island, and we noticed a small trail on the map that seemed to encompass the whole island. How much fun would it be to follow the trail and stop along the way to swim in the beautiful Mediterranean? Sure we had to walk past a nudist beach, but we figured that we’d just stay on the trail and avoid any awkward situations. Little did we know…

Right before we got to the nudist beach we saw a small concession stand. It was very hot out, and we were in “party hardy” mode, so we decided to pick up a beer for our walk. The bartender opened our beer bottles for us and we proceeded with glass bottles in hand as we descended into “Nudie Beach”.

Illegal photo of Nudie Beach

All of a sudden, the trail disappeared. We figured it would pick up again so we just kept walking. Nudie Beach started to get more and more rocky, until we were eventually rock climbing with flip flops and beer bottles in hand. We tried to take the high road and stay on the rocks above the nudists- how awkward would it be if we had to march along in between them? Just as this thought crossed my mind, we came to an impassable canyon about 20 feet wide. The only way around it was to walk down into the heart of Nudie Beach. I looked down below and saw 5 or 6 middle-aged men chillaxing sans clothing. W.T.F.

We thought Nudie Beach had to end soon, so down into the group of naked men we went. As soon as we got down, one of the men starts yelling at us… full-frontal yelling, with not a care in the world. He told us it was so dangerous for us to be rock climbing with beer bottles and how we’d slit our writs if the glass broke. Of course he yelled at us in English, because who else would be stupid enough to rock climb with an open [glass] container??

At first we were stunned from being yelled at by an old naked man, but quickly recovered, mumbled some apology, and almost tripped over a nudist while trying to get out of there! We fled behind an outcropping of rock and just sat down. We didn’t know what to do! We didn’t want to walk the 20 minutes BACK through the nudists… especially when they just yelled at us. But we didn’t see an end to this madness in sight- Nudie Beach seemed to stretch on forever! Eventually my sister went to scope the beach out and find an escape. While she was gone, my friend and I chugged our beers. We didn’t want to be awkwardly yelled at again.

I was ready to jump at this point...

My sister returned with bad news. In front of us lie a small cove and the only way out was for us to backtrack!! Not wanting to believe her, I went to examine the cove myself and considered cliff diving into the ocean- camera, purse and all- just to avoid walking back through the nudes. My sister was right however, and we started to head back.

Fortunately, the hike back was uneventful. It was actually much easier since we had chugged our beers and had two free hands. I think we even set a world record for speed hiking in flip flops.

Eventually we made it out alive, and with a good story to tell. I originally thought nothing could be more awkward than my phone conversation about G-strings with a male stripper, but I was wrong. My adventure at Nudie Beach taught me a valuable lesson: I can’t avoid awkwardness… ever!

Seriously?

Dutch people are apparently giants. This is a photo of me in the bathroom mirror at work. And I’m on my tiptoes! If I want to check my makeup, I need to get a ladder.

At least the toilets and sinks were at a normal level. If I needed a ladder to use those that would’ve been a bigger problem!

Haarlem

I was lucky enough to have a friend from NYC move to Amsterdam the same time I did- I had a built-in-friend to go places with! One of the places we visited was Haarlem, because we lived right next to American Harlem back in the States and found it entertaining that we lived next to Dutch Haarlem in Europe.

Haarlem was a fun town, like a mini-Amsterdam, except it was pouring rain the entire day (surprise, surprise!) We walked around a bit, but basically spent most of our day in churches. Yes, churches.

A bat in Haarlem's church

We visited the Sint-Bavokerk cathedral where I saw my first bat! Yes, I had never seen a real-life bat before, except maybe at a zoo or something. (Little did I know I was about to visit bat-infested South Italy be dodging them left and right, but that’s a story for another post.)

There were actually 4 or 5 bats crawling around different areas of the cathedral, which was so strange. The cathedral staff eventually rounded them up and dumped them in a little nook in a roped-off corner of the church, where they preceded to crawl all around again. I eventually got bored of watching bats crawl on walls and left.

Church of beer

After our church/nature walk, we stumbled upon another religious hybrid- a bar inside a church! De Jopenkerk is an old church converted into a brewery, and it’s where we spent the rest of the rainy day. The brewery had a lot of great Dutch beers and a really cool atmosphere. They kept the church’s stained glass windows and a few other relics that made for a really interesting decor.

I’m sure there are nicer parts of Haarlem, especially when it’s not raining, but bats and beer made for a pretty fun day just the same.